I use to be a people pleaser… I mean a major one. I grew up under a mother who drank more than she paid attention to me. And with a father who made me feel second seat to his new family. My grandmother approved of me in early childhood, in the seldom case that my accomplishments stacked higher than those of her soror’s children and grandchildren. So staying in folk’s good graces was survival for me. I entered adulthood in an emotional drought dying to be received, appreciated, loved by anyone within arms reach.
All through my 20’s I people pleased professionally. Depending on the audience, I could be all things. But then something happened. I got tired. It took a couple more decades but I reached a point of needing to receive affirmation and validation from people less and less. I would be lying if I were to say that this desire is no where still inside me, but it is only a glimpse of what it once was. I find myself now kinda “playing the game,” that’s acting as if I care about someone’s opinion more than I do because it would effect me negatively if they had a clue of how little I cared about their perceptions, especially when they are wrong.
So in my finding out today what #FOMO means, I felt that I’d graduated somewhere. For those unaware, (don’t you hate it when people do that when they themselves didn’t have the info until 5 minutes ago, lol) FOMO stands for Fear Of Missing Out. People pleasing is the spine of this fear. But I finally arrived to the place in my life, partly by age, partly due to utter exhaustion, or maybe it was the exhaustion of aging, however the route, I’ve arrived. If I miss something going on around me with other people, then that means that I was suppose to miss it. And?! I mean who cares? What’s for me is for me and if it’s going on across the street, that’s great. But I didn’t have to be there to witness it, and no one has to witness what’s going on with me in order for it to be confirmed to be happening. Next stop, all together getting rid of mofos’s that make you feel #FOMO, and finding the science to eliminate all calories from chicken nachos.