Soooo I definitely didn’t go around shouting this from the mountain tops, but I was without a car for a full 14 months. I have to say that one of the most miserable periods of my life was in part due to not having a car, my misery was compounded with moving to an area just outside of downtown Denver. The drunks and sirens outside my apartment walls might have been enough, but my culture shock quickly shifted to a culture Hiroshima as I sat on bus after bus right next to the drunk person who caused the sirens to roar. It was like living in an episode of Punked.
Going through a long and harsh winter with a special needs toddler on the bus was like, hmmmmm, how can I explain? Like running a marathon in a blizzard…. with a broken leg… on life support. And that image really doesn’t suffice to the experience. If the drunks and the cold weren’t enough, there’s the physical issues. I’ve got some stuff going on, I fight pain on a second by second bases. Having health issues while riding on a bus is not so much the icing on an already overly baked cake, but like the carcinogen on the cake. Walking miles a day to get from A to B was catching four buses and two trains to get to daycare and work everyday. Or riding two hours to get twenty minutes away to get your child to special therapies. It’s as tiresome as it sounds. All of this is only one of many symptoms of raising a child on the solo.
But yesterday I bought Felicia. I bought her on the hottest day of the summer. It was a blazing 96 degrees when I realized that buying a van without air conditioning would be in and of itself a unique challenge. However as I wiped puddles of sweat from my brow I reminded myself that I’d rather own a really hot car than catch a very well air conditioned bus any day. As I went on what felt like thousands of errands pertaining to the purchase of a vehicle, something unexpected happened. I kept walking through each parking lot, and over crowded curbs wondering if Felicia would still be there when I returned. My heart palpitated as I couldn’t remember where I’d parked her. For a couple of seconds at least half a dozen times I thought she was gone. It was then that I realized something. I was afraid that someone would take her away from me. That she would be repossessed, stolen, somehow go missing. I relate this fear to one thing. I’d never owned anything before. What was in my possession was always just a missed payment away from being taken from me. Although they were nice things, everything I’ve ever had has been rented, borrowed, leased, financed or passed down…. throughout my entire life. And I’ve lived a while to have still been in these circumstances. But that has officially changed!
I own Felicia! She’s mine and no one can come and get her. It’s really an amazing feeling and I’m a little surprised that it took me so long into life to realize the significance of this thing, this ownership thing. So I posted a picture of her here. With the rust on her lower parts and all. No more going for the flashy that I then fear will not stick around. I am much more interested in money in the bank and an attractive FICO score. The idea of putting some things off today so that I can enjoy more tomorrow is a new concept to me, but one that has been proving itself effective lately. I got off the doing the same thing expecting different results bandwagon and went for the low mileage, well maintained, low ticket price, 4 cylinder van that will help me with my entrepreneur pursuits. I feel like I’m entering her in to the Best Vehicle Pageant, lol, but it’s all true. I’m feeling good in my big girl panties, making my big girl decisions. I wont visit this season again in my life, if I catch another bus it better be because I own the bus company. In the meantime I’ll use my past failures as a means to start again more intelligently.
So the next time you see us, say Bye Felicia!!
Cuz we got places to go. 😉
Big props to all those taking public transportation as a means of making things happen in their lives. Special props to single moms who shuffle babies, strollers and groceries in these circumstances. I pray a big breakthrough for you so you will have your own wheels. Thank you also to so many who gave to Caleb’s Go Fund Me fundraiser a few months ago. It was all about not only transporting my chicken mcnugget to his therapies, but also about helping other families do the same. It’s been a prolonged process but it is still happening. This is step one, and I think you’ll be happy with how this returns to you if you gave into this vision. Being without my own transportation while wanting to own a transportation company could have left me bitter. Instead it’s just made me better… and more indignant to serve. Over all else I thank God for opening a door. I took His direction, and He opened a door, it was Him, and Him alone. Jesus is kinda good.