How often can you say you remember where you were one year ago to date? Well today, March 3rd has great significance for me.
March 3, 2012-The End of Foolishness.
A normal day at home quickly developed into an argument. I called my then husband 0 to 60 for this very reason. He could be calm, watching the game and a question on how he wanted his eggs cooked could create a storm equal to Katrina. He is holding our son Caleb who was not yet a year old as he begins to yell obscenities through a closed door. I ask him to open it so we could talk reasonably. Then it happened… he opens the door, with Caleb in one arm he takes his free arm and pushes me forcefully in my chest. I slammed into the wall behind me. For a man with a thin frame he’d always had such physical force. That thrust propelled me so quickly into that wall, all I could hear was the ringing of my right ear drum. Then pain flooded over the right side of my head and settled quickly into my shoulder.
I’d been in so much physical pain already. Caring my son at age 37 came with its own challenges. But they were coupled with recovering from the fibroid surgery just one year before my pregnancy. That surgery and years of digestive issues left me in constant, continual and persistent pain for the full 10 months of baby baking.
To top it off my scheduled C-section had gone wrong. After blacking out during the procedure and not being able to wake up some six hours after my baby was born, I was told that I had an epidural drip in my body. This is where the anesthesiologist missed my spine and had this strong narcotic used to numb the pain of birth racing through my veins well after I’d given birth. I was barely coherent when first introduced to my joy bundle, my first born child.
As I began to come to, my head began to pound and pound and pound again. This was not a headache, there was no ache here but an all consuming, every part of my head, level 10 non-stop encompassing pain that left me unable to open my eyes. Again coming from the epidural leak. That headache was present everyday of my son’s first year on earth.
Fast forward to that moment eleven months later. As I slammed into that wall, the intensity of my already present headache screamed up the side of my head like a wild banchie. That slam reawakened every fiber in my being that was already sore.
Gaining my senses after my confrontation with the wall, I gathered myself and a surprising calm came over me. Standing at the closed door in a gentle voice I said, “Oh you’re going to jail today.” Seconds later the ex flings the door open, storms out in full speed spewing, “I’m not going to f$&ng jail!” He then takes things to a different level. He flings 11 month old Caleb at me. As my baby flies almost horizontal in the air I thankfully catch him. Holding him close my mouth is dropped open and stuck in that position, I am at a loss for words.
The ex quickly gathers his belongings as I close my call to the police. I then received the tongue lashing to match my physical lashing. “You bi$&ch, you bi$&ch, how you gonna call the cops on me?” Still out doing himself he comes close to my son’s face and speaks into his ear, “Your mamas a bi$&ch and I’m gonna tell you that every day of your life!”
I rockedCaleb frantically speaking into his other ear. “Noooooo baby boy, we rebuke that in the name of Jesus. You will not become that. You will be all that God created you to be. You will not grow up in a hostile environment. You can be anything you want to be.”
His father is still spewing horrid things and cussing like a crazy person but I hear nothing but the sound of my own voice speaking life over my child. The door slammed with my past on the opposite side of it. I walk to the door to lock it and hear a sure, definite and strong voice speak to my spirit, “It is over, it is final.”
That was the last day I allowed trouble in my home. That was the last day I lived with foolishness. I wasn’t going to wait for the slap, the kick, the stomp, because they were definitely coming. That push into the wall with my ear ringing was enough. This happened only 2 weeks after I’d been tossed to the floor “accidentally” as the ex yanked a wallet out of my hands. This train was about to derail and quickly. Without a destination or a plan, without money or a support system, with an infant in tote, I took the emergency exit. Blind faith and direction from God was all I had and would prove to be all I needed.
This was the end of madness, this was the beginning of newness. March 3, 2012
Next stop, destiny…