Category Archives: downscale

This Valley that Appears to Be Death

this valley that appears to be death

(Found a writing from a way back)….

I was really discouraged. I felt heavy for days.

I reached out to a couple folk who couldn’t or wouldn’t understand.

There’s the mommie thing. I coddled a child who cant currently say I love you back to me. I dissected his needs discerning the difference between toddler defiance and special needs frustration, while my head ached and heart raced. I calmed screeches and screams that he uses for words, while calming the inward anxiety that they bring. We tosseled over each other living in a space not sufficient for two. Stress was high, patience was thin.

Then there were the reminders. I was reminded of a friends betrayal and judgment during my lowest of moments. I was reminded of the one who abandoned his child and left me holding the pieces.

There were questions. I asked for assistance to be told that I make too much money to qualify, this unbalancing act between not ever enough, just over completely destitute.

Then there was the ripping of heart strings. Promises made, but broken. Emotional head games and manipulations. All around me the author of confusion seemingly placing my name on the tongues of many. I was ridiculed and lied on.

Then there was the giving of myself. I was not encouraged by the people that I encouraged.
I was criticized instead of thanked for going out of my way to help.

It all caught up with me, it all began to choke me. It created physical pain throughout every extremity.

I wanted to run away. Far away from here, take a taxi cab and get away fast.

So I sat in a park before having to clock into a job that makes me just as weary as my life and I attempted to focus my thoughts long enough to pray.

Then the Holy Spirit took me to my vision. He reminded me of this thing He gave me to do. He reminded me that once I’m holding my treasure that it wont matter how long it took for me to obtain it. That the spoils would outweigh this weight, this angst that I hold today.

I saw myself with a smile on. I saw myself accomplishing the very things I prayed for. I saw a glimpse of a finish line.

I got encouraged, I got lifted. And not that get happy real quick fake kind of, quickly passing encouragement, but the long lasting power of the why of where I am.

I must continue and not throw up my hands, I cant faint now. I’m too near my goal. So for this valley that appears to be death, you are nothing more than a shadow, and just beyond you is the breaking of day.
#ImOnlyPassingThrough
#OhWhatJoyComethInMySoul

The Art of Shaking the Dust off of Your Feet

dust off your feet

Amazing how this hits home today. I wrote this on this day in 2013. I love that feature on Facebook by the way…

What I know for sure- when those around you are extremely different from who you are, they will either 1.) try to tell you that you are inherently wrong for being so different than them. 2.) try to convince you why you should be more like them. 3.) use God and spiritual language to justify how you are wrong and they are right. 4.) or all of the above.

It took me 4 decades to arrive at a place of appreciating the things that set me apart from other people. Thank God for your uniqueness. Thank Him for the gifts that He’s given you that seem so unusual to others.  Self-examine yes, but be careful if you have a tendency to be overly self-critical. Camouflage does not look good on you.  Stop pretending, minimizing yourself, and attempting to please others. In the end you answer to God and yourself, that’s really all that matters. And all those who would like for your to meet their criteria, fit into their boxes, or apply to their standards… Wish them the best and Remove. Delete. Move On.

Sidebar: JayZ was not the first to say shake them haters off, that’s the word of God baby!
Luke 9 1-5 (Amplified Bible) And wherever they do not receive and accept and welcome you, when you leave that town shake off [even] the dust from your feet, as a testimony against them.

Flying Colors

meeee100

When my world was falling apart, when I was loosing all my possessions, when I was at the bottom of my life, when everyone that I loved told lies and walked away, I couldn’t understand why I was still experiencing so much rejection, and hate, and criticism, and envy. #ButGod showed me what was within me was what was being coveted. My being able to hold my head up, to start again, to still smile at folks, to still be softhearted, to still be resilient was being despised by people who didn’t see themselves as being so strong. So my only response was to keep on keeping on.
#ShakeTheDustOffYourFeet #KeepOnKeepingOn #ThankYouLord

keepon