Category Archives: Self Esteem

The First Wives Club Just Changed My Life

giphy (4)Uhhhmmm ok wow! When I first saw this movie I was 25 years old. Times sure have changed as I viewed this film today digitally through Amazon Video, but back in the day I owned a VHS copy of it and I’d watch it regularly like it was a tv program. I cracked up through every scene, laughing at the whimsical characters, those mid-40 year old women who were attempting to rebuild their lives after being abandoned by their husbands, who had taken much younger wives. Well fast forward 20 years and my view of this lovely and funny story is very different. I am now that mid-40 year old putting her life together post divorce. As much as I adored the movie then, seeing it today was much more than a revisit to this comedy that I love. I relate to these characters on a completely different level now, with a few important differences of course.  I am not white nor wealthy, which all the main characters in the film are, so there’s that. But I do relate to this ageism thing of what to do with your life if you are no longer such and such’s wife. And if such and such goes on to marry someone who is young enough for you to mother, then that tends to add insult to injury. Although I’ve been mistaken for much younger, (blame it on the melanin), in reality I am what I am, and I am who I am. And that is a mid-40 year old who holds every memory and experience from her past. I ache in my joints on a second by second bases and manage regular extreme pain. I have the energy level of someone recovering from surgery, with the metabolism of a pregnant snail. I have found that my favorite recreational activity is a good nap, or posting on Facebook or Pinterest after waking from a good nap. I have more responsibilities than I can balance in my own strength as I attempt to put myself and my life back together, while raising a young boy by myself…. oh who happens to have Autism. I’m exhausted even writing all of that because it just makes my real life all the more real.

giphy (6)

So when I get inspiration to move out of this place that I’m in, I try to take it.  This movie gave me just the inspiration that I needed. I am more than a little moved as I watch the women in this film reclaim their own power. Now of course this is a fictional story, but it is a reflection of art imitating life as divorce numbers are at an all time high. The reality of women piecing their lives back together in their 40’s and 50’s and older is amazingly common. I’m taking this motivation and am going to hold on to it. I’m going to take this moment to set some goals for myself, because you cannot you move out of a rut if you never take some steps to do so. We recess, draw back, fall off, loose ourselves, let ourselves go when there is no movement.  Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, there must be movement.

giphy (5)So instead of sitting around and wallowing in self pity while I’ve been home nursing an injury and my car is not running properly, I’m dedicated to movement. I’m setting some goals and am going to act on them, but this time I’m going to be smart about it, as in setting SMART goals. Those SMART goals will be Specific, Measurable, Agreed, Realistic, and Time Bounded. Specific goals that are measurable. Ones that agree with my core values and are realistic to my real life, and schedule and responsibilities. And lastly ones that have a time frame on them. Now speaking of time, it’s a thing. Later in life you reflect on the time you’ve spent, the time you’ve wasted, the time you have left. We respond to that feeling with either hopelessness or urgency. Hopelessness sets in when you assume that you don’t have any options, that your best days are in your rearview and that nothing will ever get better than where you are today. But today I’m choosing to believe the alternative, I’m going to take this sense of urgency as motivation to do something new. I do not have the luxury of wasting time like I did in my youth. If God blesses me with life, I have a limited amount of it remaining and I have to use it wisely. Sitting around eating chocolate while I blow up is no longer a reasonable option for my life.

One of the main areas of my life that I have allowed to sit somewhere between dormantgiphy (3).gif and aborted is my entrepreneurial spirit, but it got a big kick in the butt watching this movie.  It is not too late for me to do the things that I’ve dreamt of that will set up a legacy for my child. That’s the key phrase, it’s not too late. It’s not too late to get healthy and pain free. It’s not too late to start my businesses, it’s not too late to make a difference in the world, it’s not too late to one day have the love of my life. And it’s not too late for you either.  All of this pivots on hope, and this movie just gave that back to me. I’m going to wipe the tear marks that the closing dance scene to You Don’t Own Me just left on my face, and begin my movement. This movie will be a regular pit stop for me again, but with a greater meaning than just for laughs. Thanks Bette, Diane, and Goldie! I hope that your residual check balances increase and that this film is revisited by those who love it, and seen by those who’ve never had the pleasure.  Hope renewed.

Advertisements

The Woman I’ve Become

tiffsbdayCelebrating my birthday always makes me feel nostalgic. I was turning 6 in this picture. I see so much when I look at this photo. The 1970’s digs everyone was rocking. My beloved home owned by my parents in Montbello, an area of Denver, Co. That warm October day when we could have the party outside is so telling, as just yesterday I scraped snow off my car, but today’s temps will rest in the 70’s seemingly just for my day. The friends who came out to celebrate with me that I still hold dear today. That half smile with big cheeks expression that my son now makes. And then there’s my big poofy pink dress that I remember spinning in circles in.  This picture shows a good day, a beautiful day, however my childhood was filled with a lot of turmoil, inconsistencies and instability. My mom however, (shown standing on the far left, big hips and all, lol), was big on birthdays and birthday parties. She always made those days so special for me. And now that she’s passed away coming up on 13 years ago, those celebrations are all the more special.

Birthday parties, birthday shout outs, and birthday gifts have become common and cliche, but in actuality birthdays are sacred. The celebrating of your coming into being is a big deal. That was the day that God saw fit to have you here, that means that you have more value and worth than you can probably imagine. For me I’m coming to terms with that value. There has been so much that has happened since this picture was taken that has caused me to question my very existence and value. I know I’m not alone in that line of questioning. But today I’m reflecting on how far I’ve come. This is one of the first years where that reflection, and having a relaxing day at home is enough celebration for me, genuinely. There’s no way anyone else other than me and the Holy Spirit can be present for this. It’s far too deep, far too intimate. That moment when you grieve your past while sitting in amazement that you lived through it. And you lived through it with your mind and spirit still in tact, no excuse me, with your mind and spirit stronger in spite of it, it’s quite amazing really.  

So while I nurse an injury of cutting the tip of my finger off less than 24 hours ago, not my idea of birthday magic, I choose to celebrate today. I will celebrate in my own way, with India Arie’s Private Party playing in my ears. This is the true celebration of life and living it. “I’m having a private party, learning how to love me, celebrating the woman I’ve become.”

 

Stones

IMG_5922You wouldn’t be under attack if you were not a threat. If they didn’t see your gifts, they wouldn’t have reason to slander you. If they could control you, they wouldn’t have reason to complain that they can’t box you in. When people lie, accuse, when they throw stones, take it as a compliment. It says much more about their lack of character and integrity than it says about you. What they are really telling you is they wish they could stand in your shoes. They wish they could survive what you have and still thrive. This is the business of the Lord making your enemies your footstool. Be built by their attacks, not broken by them. Don’t let your enemies see more in you than you see in yourself. Take the stones that they’ve thrown and build roads to your future with them.

Psalm 118:22 (VOICE)
The stone that the builders rejected
  has become the very stone that holds together the entire foundation.