Tag Archives: bomb single mom


wegoinbealright2#TransparentMoment #JustRidiculous #ThisAintNormal It just dawned on me…. THIS AINT NORMAL!! In a moment when my sensory driven, special needs child is climbing all over me and wanting a great amount of attention, right in a moment when I just want to sit quietly in my own thoughts, to get myself together for the day, but neither of us can get what we need in this moment, simply because I am only one person, it’s dawning on me how often these types of moments occur, and how ridiculous this is. He’s not acting out, there’s nothing particularly grand going on, it’s just that I am only one woman and cannot be all he needs me to be in every moment by myself. This thing of raising a child by yourself is so outside of God’s greatest desire for us, or anyone else who has to do it. We live in a country where the multi-generational idea of raising children is strange. We secretly snicker at families who have their mamas and grandmamas and aunties and uncles living under one roof, or in close proximity. We dont really believe that it takes a village to raise a child like they do across the seas, but we dont even know what a functional family looks like either. Add to that I happen to belong to a culture where single motherhood is acceptable and commonplace. So many of us were raised by single moms and although we were constantly in their presence, we never knew the struggle of what this life was until we ourselves lived it. Then it’s just passed on to the next generation as if it’s is a good thing. We dont teach our boys to get married and remain faithful. We dont raise our girls to have children after marriage. And when there is a marriage we will throw a divorce party for you before we come to your bridal shower. All of this is about the breakdown of families and acceptance to dysfunction that we all silently signed up for. My present state is due to a divorce, I am guilty of signing up for a dysfunction too. I am a single mom and I accept that title because I must, but it is NOT NORMAL, IT’S NOT! Even in my single-momdum I should be able to turn to family to help me raise my child, but due to the breakdown of yet another family, this is not an option. But it’s not normal. I shouldnt have to pay someone to give love and affection to my child. The divorce from my husband should not have meant his divorce from fatherhood. Yes I’m having a moment. I appreciate the daily grace I have been given to call myself a #BombSingleMom. I can do it, and I am doing it. But there are moments like this when I stop and give myself permission to say that THIS IS NOT HOW IT SHOULD BE. And I’m not done with my rant because it’s not just about the breakdown of the family, it’s about the breakdown of an entire society. As I am not only a single mom, I am an Autism mom. I must stand for my son’s rights, be his voice, take care of his extreme needs. But this isn’t normal either and I know that all too well. I shouldn’t have to live in a society that poisons children. It is not happenstance that Autism rates multiplied by a thousand in the last 15 years. It is not normal that some type of chemical imbalance either by food, vaccine, or products used for daily living resulted in my child having developmental delays. It’s unbelievable to me really. I have the grace to do it, but I shouldn’t have to. Single motherhood is like walking to school in the snow with no shoes, single motherhood with Autism is like walking to school in the snow with no feet. I dont apologize for my rant, it was my moment. Now that I’ve had it I will get up from my position of frustration, acknowledge that I have my mind, spirit and body still in tact to do all of this and get up and go make lunch. But yeah, this aint normal. None of it is. I know we make fun of folk’s testimonies nowadays, many arent ready for the real of what I overcome everyday, but that’s ok cuz this was for me, not for them. #SorryForTheRunOnSentences #NotSorryForWhatISaidInTheSentences #NotForLikes #JournalingOutLoud #HavingAMoment #ThatFeltGood #ButWeGoinBeAlright




Slow Down Girl-i-tosis

For the last 6 weeks or so, just before Christmas, I caught a cold. It came from the daycare heebeegeebees that Caleb brought home one day. I worked on getting him well while I attempted to stay clear of the cooties. By Christmas day however they got me pretty good. Although I continued to push through them though, getting to work daily, while juggling even more responsibilities at home during the holidays while Caleb was on winter break.

ER visit like a boss!

Then the 1st week of January rolled around and it finally happened, I couldn’t get out off bed. Between coughing, chills, night sweats, vomiting, and extreme swings between sleeplessness and insomnia, I could no longer function, I could no longer just push through. I stayed in bed for about 8 daylight hours, revolving around Caleb’s school and daycare hours. I actually needed a good 2 or 3 uninterrupted days, but I was not able to get my flight to the planet where they do that. And in actuality I HAVE NEVER had 8 hours in bed while sick while the sun was in the sky in Caleb’s entire 4.10 years of living. So I took what I could get.

Fast forward to yesterday, it’s now mid-January, I still have a persistent cough, still achy, still on regular meds, all while working and holding down my crazy schedule. But yesterday things went to yet a different level. I woke up with pain starting from the left side of my neck, left ear, and going all the way down my left lung. I made a promise to myself that I would do something about this pain if it remained for 24 hours. Overnight last night the was excruciating, and this morning after getting Caleb on the school bus, I went directly to the ER without passing go or collecting $200. I wrongfully assumed I could get out with a couple prescriptions and still make it to work. I realized this expectation was completely ridiculous as the procedures, tests, meds, and needles flooded into that hospital room.  7.5 hours later  I was released with the prognosis of potential air pockets on my lung due to an unceasing cough. The symptoms of exhaustion staring me right in the face, or I believe the scientific term is known as Slow Down Girl-i-tosis. I was told to take off a couple days from my life, to take my meds, get some rest and drink lots of fluids.

I felt like I was entering the Starship Enterprise inside this thing.
I felt like I was entering the Starship Enterprise inside this thing.

Now here’s the thing, this is going to be a struggle for me even after my hospital visit. The reality of what my life calls for in this present moment is still reality, my responsibilities don’t change because I had pain in my chest. The reality that work missed today could put me in an unemployment line still looms. The missing any of the 3 required appointments that I need to make tomorrow, (yes, 24 hours from being hooked up to machines in an emergency unit), still have to happen. The one at 7:30am with Caleb’s teachers and therapists has been on the books for weeks and has everything to do with the next 2 years of his special needs therapies. And there are still 2 more after work at 4:00 and 6:30 that are mandated. So yeah, this slow down thing will have to come, well… slowly. Here lies the day by day challenges of the single mom, and then there’s the single mom with a special needs child, an altogether different level of struggle.

But taking from my airline industry background, we as mothers, in the face of an emergency have to administer our own oxygen before offering it to the children that depend on us. The reasons why are pretty logical but not ones that we can so easily apply. Mommie has got to get her air so that she can offer air to others.  We have to be around so that we can give our kids their oxygen. So I will remind myself of that regularly until what I know in my head manifests itself in my life.

My first steps will be slow, but the priority is to slow down. For me one of four things must happen daily. If I do just one of these things I’ll be on the right track. Fruit or veges in every meal, 1 quart of water consumed, 1 gym visit, 7-8 hours of sleep a day. I figure the compound effect will take over at some point and I’ll do more and more to take care of myself if I start in small ways. So that’s my commitment and I’m sticking to it… slowly.

The Tooth Debacle


20151227_125435[1].jpgSo a few days ago Caleb lost his first tooth. He’s not quite 5 years old, so I didn’t expect this to happen so soon. I think I was about 6 when I started loosing my baby teeth, although I couldn’t say for sure seeing that happened during the Carter administration.

I dunno, I am feeling a bit sad about this.  For those who don’t know, my son has got some developmental delays and is currently non-verbal. There’s something really backward to me about him presently being unable to speak while already losing his baby teeth. Something metaphoric about the mouth as I’ve always been big on communication, (newsflash for the author of a blog). I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the reality of the challenges of our circumstances. They become more and more real the older that he gets. Even this super duper cute pic here took about 10 attempts to capture as I struggled to get him still enough for the shot. There’s also some sensory over stimulation that we deal with on a minute by minute basis.

This recent tooth debacle gives showcase to the notion that this mom thing is still very new to me. That moment when Caleb came up to me pointing to his bloody tooth as it dangled from his gum made me weak. Fortunately for both of us a good friend of mine was available to go in for the extraction. Dawn is a vet at this mom thing and she had that bottom row to the left tooth out in about 2.5 seconds. I appreciate her so much as I officially have moved tooth removal into the bag of “this hurts mommy more than it hurts you,” along with getting vaccine shots. To say that it’s difficult and challenging navigating new mom waters, while balancing my son’s needs, while coming to terms with the reality that he has one parent to figure all of this out, is the understatement of 2015.  

I swear moms deserve medals. And single moms deserve medals and a round of applause. And moms of special needs kids deserve medals, and a round of applause, while wearing a cape. And single moms of special needs kids deserve medals, and a round of applause, while wearing a cape and a million dollar deposit transaction. I am prayerful and mindfully navigating through these unfamiliar waters daily. I take it day by day, and even on dreary days my son’s smile brightens my life, even if it’s snaggle toothed one. Continue reading The Tooth Debacle