Tag Archives: fathers day

Happy Single Mother to Child of Deadbeat Father’s Day

Calebsleepsfinal

So let me be clear. I am not a man. I never have been one, and by the looks of how these things work, I probably will never be one. One thing I do know for sure however, my son’s father is ghost. He is out. He is totally and completely absent. I have not heard a word from him since May of 2015, and that was a year after he stopped paying a cent of child support.

He does not call to check on his son, he does not ask how he is doing, he does not inquire, he does not send a text, telegram or message pigeon. How could he do that?  There are questions that I had years ago that I now have answers to, this is not one of those questions. After being born into a marriage, and being planned for, I do not understand how a man denies his child. Part of me has lost interest in trying to understand.

I am very clear that I cannot be a father to my son. I cannot teach him how to be a man. I do not fully know the challenges and conundrums of what it is to be born male. But I along with so many single mothers are caught in this target practice of still needing to fulfill dual roles, regardless of our inability to do so completely. And the shaming of women who have this insurmountable task, who cry out for acknowledgement of this insurmountable task on a painful day of reminder like today, is to me one of the sure ways that we live in the last days, where love in action is condemned and criticized, instead of applauded and admonished.

Just before tucking my baby boy into bed tonight, I brushed his teeth and rubbed his back, just like good Mommies do. That was just after disciplining him for pushing beyond his boundaries, just like good Daddies do. And tomorrow I will fix his breakfast and his dinner, just like good Mommies do. And I will take out his trash, and put oil in the car he rides in, just like good Daddies do. But not after I work all day, like good Mommies and Daddies do, I have to of course bring home that bacon AND fry it up in a pan. I have continual vertigo as I swing between roles in being all things for my son. No one can ever tell me different. This is real life. This is everyday.

Father’s Day is for fathers, men who are present. I don’t claim this day as my own, but I dare anyone to question my dual roles, beyond holidays, constant juggling act of raising a child that requires at least two people to raise, and maybe five if I’m including my son’s special needs.

So excuse me if today, Father’s Day, is tough for me. Do I claim it as my own day? Not really, they don’t have a Happy Single Mother to Child of Deadbeat Father’s Day. But I do know that each and every day, no matter the fall on the calendar, I play all roles to my son, the feminine and all the masculine I can muster.

So goodnight young prince, with my hand in the Lord’s I will lead you in all the ways within my reach. And I am willing to play as many roles as necessary to do so.   

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#HeavenlyFather Trending, a Cause for Celebration

Today is Father’s Day and all over Twitter the hashtag HeavenlyFather is trending. This warmed my heart. Why? Not because my Father’s Day has been great, or because there are celebrations going on, or that I am happy and satisfied right now. But because right now in this moment, with heart broken over this day, I know that God Himself is touching people in new ways. I know that He knows my pain. That pain is not something I can fully discuss, nor could I communicate it properly if I tried. It’s filled with the anguish of my son’s father being completely absent, coupled with the grief over my own father’s absence during the darkest time of my life. However I know that I am loved by One who cares beyond my comprehension. This pain would be insurmountable if it weren’t for that realization. So I’m happy to know that there are so many others out there who know this love like I do. If you haven’t experienced it, you should try it.

Happy Fathers Day to My Heavenly Father

This…. the cutest thing ever.

#JesusTheReasonIStand

The Art of Praying for Those Who’ve Hurt You, This Significance on Father’s Day

I wrote this last Father’s Day in 2014. I have to say I’m struggling with it more than I was this time last year. But it doesn’t make it any less true or prevalent.

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If you’re like me, this scripture gets on your nerves. This whole praying for your enemies thing. Oops, yes I said it. There are some texts that don’t always sit well with us… at least at first glance.

enemiesThe definition of an enemy is “one who fosters harmful designs against another.” Based on this definition, many of us can place this title very comfortably upon the man who fathered our children or fathered us. The idea of taking your precious time, breath and energy to go before the Father to petition for someone who’s harmed or abused you is not the best idea of a good time.

However I found myself early Saturday morning with a heavy burden to pray for my ex-husband, the absentee father to my first born and only son. This urge was so strong, I could feel the level of his need and his pain so strongly, I forgot all about what he’d put me through. I forgot all about the moments great and insignificant that he’d missed with my son since last Father’s Day. I just prayed for him. Then something happened… I felt free-er.

The pressing in to consider what he was going through caused me to know that what I was going through would be handled. Not at all justifying his absence or neglect of my young child, but the understanding that God will fill in the gaps from this man’s shortcomings.

As I rise today on Father’s Day, I am reminded of those who are raising children without any help from the father who helped bring those children here. I am reminded of those who themselves had no father present physically or emotionally during their developing years. I am reminded of those who were neglected, harmed or abused by the first man who should have loved and protected them.

Know this, if you choose to pray for your child’s neglectful father, you can only accumulate more of what you need to raise that child. If you choose to pray for the father who abandoned you, you can only attract more of what you need to fill the gaps that he left. In praying for him you are really benefiting yourself.