Tag Archives: Testimony

This Valley that Appears to Be Death

this valley that appears to be death

(Found a writing from a way back)….

I was really discouraged. I felt heavy for days.

I reached out to a couple folk who couldn’t or wouldn’t understand.

There’s the mommie thing. I coddled a child who cant currently say I love you back to me. I dissected his needs discerning the difference between toddler defiance and special needs frustration, while my head ached and heart raced. I calmed screeches and screams that he uses for words, while calming the inward anxiety that they bring. We tosseled over each other living in a space not sufficient for two. Stress was high, patience was thin.

Then there were the reminders. I was reminded of a friends betrayal and judgment during my lowest of moments. I was reminded of the one who abandoned his child and left me holding the pieces.

There were questions. I asked for assistance to be told that I make too much money to qualify, this unbalancing act between not ever enough, just over completely destitute.

Then there was the ripping of heart strings. Promises made, but broken. Emotional head games and manipulations. All around me the author of confusion seemingly placing my name on the tongues of many. I was ridiculed and lied on.

Then there was the giving of myself. I was not encouraged by the people that I encouraged.
I was criticized instead of thanked for going out of my way to help.

It all caught up with me, it all began to choke me. It created physical pain throughout every extremity.

I wanted to run away. Far away from here, take a taxi cab and get away fast.

So I sat in a park before having to clock into a job that makes me just as weary as my life and I attempted to focus my thoughts long enough to pray.

Then the Holy Spirit took me to my vision. He reminded me of this thing He gave me to do. He reminded me that once I’m holding my treasure that it wont matter how long it took for me to obtain it. That the spoils would outweigh this weight, this angst that I hold today.

I saw myself with a smile on. I saw myself accomplishing the very things I prayed for. I saw a glimpse of a finish line.

I got encouraged, I got lifted. And not that get happy real quick fake kind of, quickly passing encouragement, but the long lasting power of the why of where I am.

I must continue and not throw up my hands, I cant faint now. I’m too near my goal. So for this valley that appears to be death, you are nothing more than a shadow, and just beyond you is the breaking of day.
#ImOnlyPassingThrough
#OhWhatJoyComethInMySoul

Flying Colors

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When my world was falling apart, when I was loosing all my possessions, when I was at the bottom of my life, when everyone that I loved told lies and walked away, I couldn’t understand why I was still experiencing so much rejection, and hate, and criticism, and envy. #ButGod showed me what was within me was what was being coveted. My being able to hold my head up, to start again, to still smile at folks, to still be softhearted, to still be resilient was being despised by people who didn’t see themselves as being so strong. So my only response was to keep on keeping on.
#ShakeTheDustOffYourFeet #KeepOnKeepingOn #ThankYouLord

keepon

Birth

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I gave birth tonight. I shared my testimony with a group of women that are very dear to me. It took me more than 24 hours to sit and concisely write it all out. I know it’s old skool to say but the Lord has brought me from a mighty long way. At the end the room was in tears as I pushed through the labor pains of the parts of my story that I rarely or ever reveal, to having a full grown baby in my hands standing victorious over my suffering. I’m so glad I know Him and that He calls me his own.

#IDontLookLikeWhatIveBeenThrough

#ThisJesusIsReal

#ILiveBecauseHeDoes

  • 2 Corinthians 12The Message (MSG)
    (Strength from Weakness)
     
    6 If I had a mind to brag a little, I could probably do it without looking ridiculous, and I’d still be speaking plain truth all the way. But I’ll spare you. I don’t want anyone imagining me as anything other than the fool you’d encounter if you saw me on the street or heard me talk.
    7-10 Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
     
    My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
    My strength comes into its own in your weakness.